Crud Meridian

“What’s that? Oh, this? Just something I knitted during quarantine. I decided, hey, why not? Haven’t you always wanted to learn to knit? And with all this time on your hands, isn’t now the perfect time to do it? I figured it would go so well with the couch I upholstered while I was homeschooling the twins. Isn’t the shade to “dye” for? Sorry, I couldn’t resist, since I’ve started to make my own dyes too. It’s just so satisfying to work with your hands, isn’t it?”

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“Me? Oh, no, I’ve just been trying to spend more time outdoors. I was going stir crazy in the house! I’ve been trying to get out to the beach every day. Of course it’s quiet this time of year – just me and the waves. And my prized clydesdale, Brigadoon, who I ride on the trail to the beach. He’s surprisingly agile on the steppes, even at that altitude.”

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When was the last time you touched someone?

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“Oh I know isn’t it just mind numbing? I don’t know what to do with myself! I’d already watched the entire Criterion collection before lockdown even started, so I just unplugged my TV and I’ve been using it for plants. Nowadays I just try to use the time to meditate, y’know? I’ve been “binging” inner peace.”

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“It is lonely, it is, I know. I just feel like it’s just me in the house. And Charles, of course. And Rita. And the boys are home too, of course, Benjamin and Devonshire, and their roommate Matthew, and his girlfriend Treacle. And I guess the tenants and their kids. And we have been bubbling with the Solversons down the road. I really don’t know what to do with myself. There’s just no community anymore. Oh, god, sorry, I’ve got to go, we’re doing the pageant.”

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How much water did you drink today?

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“Honestly I’ve really loved the opportunity to cook more! I mean, here I am, eating out three times a week, when in my own backyard I have so much to work with. So, between the herb and vegetable garden and the tending to the chickens, it’s been a real treat to start doing our own dairy too. Yes, of course, all free range. And now we finally have an excuse to really explore the wine cellar! I mean, it was there before, you know, but I find the pairings really mean something when you’ve made the meal yourself. And what wine DOESN’T go with lockdown, amiright? Hah, I kid, I kid. But really, you should try it yourself.”

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“I just thought “well, look, you’ve been given this time” so I sat down at the piano. It’s been a weird weird journey, but after all the multitracking and having to learn all the instruments, I’m really really proud of what I’ve done. I mean, it’s just a hobby, but it was nice to have an excuse to use the studio for something.”

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Are you getting outside enough?

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“I’ve found that taking a few online courses has really given me something to work towards. The days mean something now, instead of blurring into an endless stream of “wake up, walk the dog, punch down the sourdough, roast the coffee, grind the coffee, brew the coffee, put the sourdough in, meditate, drink the coffee, sit in the backyard and watch the horses, work on my Bach, take the sourdough out, go for a run with the dog, make love, post-coital bread and cheese, make tonight’s pasta, make tonight’s sauce, choose tonight’s wine, etc. etc. etc.” It was really getting to me. I felt like my brain was turning into mush.”

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What’s keeping you afloat?

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Don’t you just want to