Crud Meridian

(Answers at bottom)

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Matt has eleven apples. He gives three to Kevin and two to Michelle. How many more apples will Matt have to give away before he’s willing to believe that his friends aren’t lying about liking him?

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A father and son have a car accident and are both badly hurt. They are both taken to separate hospitals. When the boy is taken in for an operation, the surgeon says ‘I can not do the surgery – we’d all be better off without this person.” List all the reasons why she is right, and that you are the boy.

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John wants to get up and go for a run. However, to get to his front door he must first get out of bed and walk halfway to his door. And to get halfway to his door, he must first get halfway to halfway to his door. And to get to that halfway point, John must first get halfway there. Supposing John is even capable of getting out of bed today, why is it the case that there’s no fucking point in even trying?

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A male barber shaves all and only those men who do not shave themselves. Do you shave yourself, or have you given up on that too?

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Pierre Simone Laplace once proposed a hypothetical being, or “Demon,” that could know the precise location and velocity of every particle in the universe. Using principles of physics and chemistry, this creature would theoretically have absolute causal knowledge of the universe. If this is the case, does that mean the universe is fundamentally deterministic, or did you just choose to be like this.

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Theseus’ ship has sailed many miles. Often, while in harbour, Theseus must replace some part of the ship after much wear – first the oars are old and rotted, and must be switched with new oars, then one day a mainsail and mast, then eventually even the timbers of the hull. Eventually Theseus comes to realize that he has replaced every single part of the ship with a new component. Where does he get the fucking energy? 

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James Clerk Maxwell once proposed a theoretical entity that could cleverly sort fast-moving particles from slow moving particles, resulting in a closed system wherein entropy reduces. You don’t even know what thermodynamics is so I have no clue why you’re even bothering with this. Seriously.

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According to Meno’s paradox, a person cannot search for what they already know as they already have it. Nor can they search for what they do not know, as they do not know of it in order to be able to search for it. List the ways in which this is really just your excuse for not even trying.

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Farmer Sarah has gone to market and purchased a goose, a bag of beans, and a fox. To return home, she must ford a river in her boat. However, she can only carry herself and one other item each trip. If she takes the beans, the fox will eat the goose. If she takes the fox, the goose will eat the beans. How can she get all three items and herself safely across the river?

1. Who the fuck buys a fucking fox?
2. Jesus christ, Sarah, what the fuck were you thinking?
3. You weren’t, were you.
4. Just once it would be great if you didn’t fuck things up
5. This is classic you.

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